Warriors Talkshow
by Insectosaurous
Summary: Join Redfeather, Foxtail, and Yellowfoot, as they interview cats from all five Clans. There will be humor, swearing, and lots, and lots of violence. There will be a question about the books at the end of each chapter.
1. Ferncloud&Dustpelt

**This is my second story, a Warriors story. If you have heard of Warriors or not you should still read this story, for it is very funny. I do not own Warriors, Ferncloud, Dustpelt, Spiderleg, Shrewpaw, Larchkit, Hollykit, Birchfall, Foxleap, and Icecloud all go to Erin Hunter.**

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><p><em><strong>Warriors Talkshow<strong>_

_**Episode 1: Ferncloud&Dustpelt**_

_**Host:**__** Redfeather, A dark ginger tom, with amber eyes. A little self centered**_

_**Foxtail, Light ginger tom, with dark brown paws, a bushy white tipped tail, and ice blue eyes. Terrified of most things.**_

_**Yellowfoot, Gray she-cat with one light ginger paw, and green eyes. Very impatient and out to get Graypaw.**_

_**Co-Host: **__**Bearpaw, Dark brown tom with amber eyes. A laid back cat, who doesn't worry about anything.**_

_**Graypaw, A gray tabby tom with green eyes. A tom who likes to act brave, but is very scared when around Yellowfoot.**_

_**Willowpaw, A black she-cat with a white chest, paws, and stomach, with bright yellow eyes. A kind and sweet cat. She is worried about how laid back Bearpaw is.**_

_**Security Cats:**__** Scorchear, A ginger tom with black patches, and blue eyes. Very annoyed by his nephew and niece.**_

_**Mouseleaf, A light gray tom with black paws, a ginger tipped tail, and emerald green eyes. Very depressed after his mate left him.**_

_**Co-Security Cat:**__** Lionkit, A golden tom with amber eyes. Very annoyed when he has to miss his show just to beat a cat. Also crazy around food.**_

_**Squirrelkit, A dark ginger she-kit with black paws, a fluffy tail, and yellow eyes. Even more crazy then her brother, except about everything, not just food.**_

_**Blackpaw, A white tom with a black face, ears, paws, and tail, with blue eyes. He hates Squirrelkit and Lionkit.**_

_**Guest:**__** Ferncloud, **__**A pale gray she-cat with darker flecks and pale green eyes.**_

_**Dustpelt, **__**A dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes.**_

_**Spiderleg, A slender, long-limbed, black tom with a brown underbelly and amber eyes**_

_**Shrewpaw, **__**A small, dark brown tom with a narrow muzzle and amber eyes.**_

_**Larchkit, A brown tabby she-kit.**_

_**Hollykit, A pale gray she-kit with amber eyes.**_

_**Birchfall, A light brown tabby tom.**_

_**Foxleap, A reddish-brown tabby tom.**_

_**Icecloud, A sleek white she-cat with bright blue eyes.**_

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><p><em><strong>Redfeather:<strong>_ Hello, and welcome to-

_**Foxtail:**_ Why do you get to start the show?

_**Redfeather:**_ 'Cause I rock!

_**Foxtail:**_ Well, I want to start it.

_**Redfeather:**_ Yeah, no. Get over it, I'm starting the show.

_**Bearpaw:**_ How 'bout I start it?

_**Redfeather&Foxtail:**_ No!

_**Redfeather:**_ Your just a co-host, I'm a host.

_**Foxtail:**_ I'm a host too.

_**Yellowfoot:**_ Will you all just shut up and start this thing, you know how impatient I am?

_**Redfeather:**_ Okay, okay, anyway. Hello, and welcome to The Warriors Talkshow, where we will be interviewing a random cat, chosen from our Wheel O-Randomness, ( Camera pans out to show the Wheel O-Randomness) and that cat's mate. But if they don't have a mate their enemy will instead take the place of a mate, Now let's introduce our host. First there's me, Redfeather, our other host, Foxtail.

_**Foxtail:**_ Hello!

_**Redfeather:**_ Our cranky and unfriendly host, Yellow_fool_. Hahahahaha!

_**Foxtail:**_ Hahahaha!

_**Yellowfoot:**_ What did you just call me?

_**Redfeather:**_ N-nothing! Anyway, say hello to our co-host, Bearpaw, Willowpaw, and Graypaw.

_**Bearpaw:**_ 'Sup cats of all Clan's.

_**Willowpaw:**_ Hello.

_**Graypaw:**_ Yo.

_**Redfeather:**_ Now, please welcome, our guest today, (Spins Wheel O-Randomness) all the way from ThunderClan, Ferncloud and her mate Dustpelt.

_**Dustpelt:**_ Put me down!

_**Scorchear:**_ Sorry sir, no can do.

_**Dustpelt:**_ Why can't I just walk like Ferncloud?

_**Scorchear:**_ After the way you acted backstage, no way.

_**Dustpelt:**_ But you kidnapped us in the middle of the night! I'm surprised you were able to sneak past the other warriors just to kidnap me. And Ferncloud, well, there aren't that many queens so, I can understand that.

_**Scorchear:**_ And your point being?

_**Dustpelt:**_ Grrrrrr, Raaaaaaawr! (Starts going crazy)

_**Scorchear:**_ Aaaah! He's going crazy! Call back up!

_**Lionkit:**_ What do ya need me for this time?

_**Scorchear:**_ Shoot him! Stab him! Do something he's gonna kill us all!

_**Lionkit:**_ (Grabs baseball bat and starts beating Dustpelt) I think he's good. (Brings up bat covered with Dustpelt's blood)

_**Dustpelt:**_ Help me.

_**Foxtail:**_ Should we help him?

_**Redfeather:**_ Naaa, let's leave him there.

_**Dustpelt:**__ *Beep*_ you!

_**Ferncloud:**_ Why are we here?

_**Redfeather:**_ Who cares why your here, but we do have a surprise for you.

_**Ferncloud&Dustpelt:**_ What?

_**Redfeather:**_ All the way from StarClan, please welcome, Larchkit, Hollykit, and Shrewpaw.

_**Larchkit,Hollykit,&Shrewpaw:**_ Mommy!

_**Shrewpaw:**_ We missed you in StarClan.

_**Ferncloud:**_ I missed you too.

_**Dustpelt:**_ Ahem!

_**Shrewpaw:**_ What? Oh, sorry, we missed you too daddy.

_**Redfeather:**_ And now, all the way from ThunderClan's warrior den, please put your paws together for, Spiderleg, Birchfall, Foxleap, and Icecloud! (Silence)

_**Birchfall:**_ What? We see her every day.

_**Spiderleg:**_ Yeah.

_**Ferncloud:**_ So, you could at least say hello.

_**Spiderleg:**_ Fine, Hello you _*Beep*._

_**Ferncloud:**_ Gasp!

_**Birchfall:**_ Yeah, I agree with Spiderleg, you are a _*Beep*._

_**Ferncloud:**_ How could you say that to your mother?

_**Foxleap:**_ Yeah, how could you say that to mommy?

_**Icecloud:**_ Yeah!

_**Dustpelt:**_ Are none of _my_ children going to say hello to me?

_**Redfeather:**_ Well, I hate to interrup such a beautiful family reunion, but we've got a show to do.

_**Ferncloud:**_ Fine.

_**Redfeather:**_ Okay Ferncloud first question, why did you decide to have seven children? (Silence)

_**Ferncloud:**_ I don't know.

_**Redfeather:**_ Okay? Second ques-

_**Foxtail:**_ Can I ask this question, please?

_**Redfeather:**_ Augh, okay.

_**Foxtail:**_ Woohoo! Okay, second question. Dustpelt, how do you really feel about Ferncloud?

_**Dustpelt:**_ Um, I don't want to answer that question.

_**Redfeather:**_ Too bad, you have to!

_**Dustpelt:**_ Sigh, fine. I think Ferncloud is a stupid, idiotic, ugly, smelly, intoxicated,-

_- Later -_

_**Dustpelt:**_ -crazy, annoying, _*Beep*_

_**Redfeather:**_ Wow. Just. Wow.

_**Yellowfoot:**_ Who would say that about their own mate?

_**Foxtaii:**_ (Hiding under a chair) I never want to be part of ThunderClan!

_**Yellowfoot:**_ Next question. Who do you hate the most in the family?

_**Ferncloud: **_Dustpelt.

_**Dustpelt:**_Ferncloud.

_**Spiderleg:**_Ferncloud.

_**Shrewpaw:**_ I don't know!

_**Larchkit:**_Dustpelt**.**

_**Hollykit:**_Dustpelt.

_**Birchfall:**_Ferncloud.

_**Foxleap:**_Birchfall.

_**Icecloud:**_ Spiderleg.

_**Foxtail:**_ It looks like Shrewpaw has to pick either Ferncloud or Dustpelt as the most hated_**.**_

_**Redfeather:**_ Well Shrewpaw, who is it going to be? Dustpelt or Ferncloud?

_**Yellowfoot:**_ You can choose by the way they act in ThunderClan, or the way they act on the show.

_**Shrewpaw:**_ Oh, then I have to choose Dustpelt.

_**Dustpelt:**_ What?

_**Redfeather:**_ We gave a winner!

_**Foxtail:**_ The most hated one in their family is...

_**Yellowfoot:**_ Dustpelt!

_**Dustpelt:**_ Again I repeat, what?

_**Redfeather:**_ And now... Death To Dustpelt!

_**Dustpelt:**_ Huh? Wait, what?

_**All except Dustpelt: **_Attack!

_**Dustpelt:**_ Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

(Camera falls to the floor. Static)

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed that chapter. I will be excepting one host, co-host, security cat, and co-security cat each chapter. So send in cats and hope yours gets picked.<strong>

**Now for the question. How many forbidden loves have been mentioned in the books?**


	2. Tawnypelt&Rowanclaw

**Hello and welcome to another episode of Warriors Talkshow! And, if you really are a big fan of Warriors, I think you should know what I'm talking about with Rowanclaw. And, if you a fan of South Park I'm sure you can find the references I put in here. Oh, and I almost forgot to thank _Pineapples-Go-KABOOM-Loves-HP_ for sending in Dapplesky and Brambesmoke. Well, enjoy. Oh, and the answer to the question of the last chapter is, wait, I'm going with only if the have mated, fine I won't! Okay, there was Bluestar&Oakheart, Graystripe&Silverstream, does Goldenflower&Tigerstar count considering he died as part of ShadowClan, so I guess, Sasha&Tigerstar, Sasha was a rouge so it counts, Leafpool&Crowfeather, Feathertail&Crowfeather, they was in love, Lionblaze&Heathertail, they was in love too, Dovewing&Tigerheart, it's obvious that they love each other, and they can finally be in love just as soon as That Traitor Tigerheart Joins The Bright Side! So I guess the answer was 8. Yeah, yeah! 8 forbidden loves in the books! I think.**

**Darth Vader:** Tigerheart! Come join the Bright Side!

**Tigerheart:** Nev- wait a second! I thought it was the Dark Side!

**Darth Vader:** Well, your already on the Dark Side, so, yeah. Join or die!

**Tigerheart:** Never!

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><p><em><strong>Warriors Talkshow<strong>_

_**Chapter 2: Tawnypelt&Rowanclaw**_

_**Host:**__** Redfeather, A dark ginger tom, with amber eyes. A little self centered**_

_**Foxtail, Light ginger tom, with dark brown paws, a bushy white tipped tail, and ice blue eyes. Terrified of most things.**_

_**Yellowfoot, Gray she-cat with one light ginger paw, and green eyes. Very impatient and out to get Graypaw.**_

_**Dapplesky, Tortoiseshell she-cat with a black tail, three black paws, one white paw, one ice blue eye, and one green eye. Sarcastic, lovable, always happy, LOVESLOVESLOVES ice cream cones, and eats them every show, and PERHAPS has mental issues, but no one knows for sure...**_

_**Co-Host: **__**Bearpaw, Dark brown tom with amber eyes. A laid back cat, who doesn't worry about anything.**_

_**Graypaw, A gray tabby tom with green eyes. A tom who likes to act brave, but is very scared when around Yellowfoot.**_

_**Willowpaw, A black she-cat with a white chest, paws, and stomach, with bright yellow eyes. A kind and sweet cat. She is worried about how laid back Bearpaw is.**_

_**Security Cats:**__** Scorchear, A ginger tom with black patches, and blue eyes. Very annoyed by his nephew and niece.**_

_**Mouseleaf, A light gray tom with black paws, a ginger tipped tail, and emerald green eyes. Very depressed after his mate left him.**_

_**Bramblesmoke, A strong brown tabby tom with black stripes, a white chest and paws, and green-Brown eyes with gold flecks. Calm, serious, doesn't get any jokes people tell, loves tying cats up and throwing him out the window.**_

_**Co-Security Cat:**__** Lionkit, A golden tom with amber eyes. Very annoyed when he has to miss his show just to beat a cat. Also crazy around food.**_

_**Squirrelkit, A dark ginger she-kit with black paws, a fluffy tail, and yellow eyes. Even more crazy then her brother, except about everything, not just food.**_

_**Blackpaw, A white tom with a black face, ears, paws, and tail, with blue eyes. He hates Squirrelkit and Lionkit.**_

_**Guest: Tawnypelt, A slender, mottled, dark tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes and well muscled shoulders.**_

_**Rowanclaw, A dark ginger... Tom? Or, is it she-cat? I don't know, he spent, maybe the whole second series as a she-cat due to an author's mistake. So, I guess he's a dark ginger she-tom.**_

**_Tigerheart, A handsome, sleek, thick-furred, dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes, a torn ear, and a long sleek tail._**

**_Flametail, A ginger tom with short, pudgy legs._**

**_Dawnpelt, A cream-furred she-cat._**

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><p><strong><em>Redfeather:<em>** Why! Why did you bring_ it_ here? (Shakes Yellowfoot)

**_Yellowfoot:_** Hey! I'm not the who chose them! Your the one who said Tawnypelt!

**_Redfeather:_** I didn't know she was married to that-that _thing_!

**_Yellowfoot:_** Hey, that is offensive!

**_Redfeather:_** W-w-I-I-I don't care!

**_Foxtail:_** Hello, and welcome to Warriors Talkshow.

**_Redfeather:_** Hey! Who said you could do the introduction. And Yellowfool, just keep the _thing_ away from.

**_Yellowfoot:_** Fine! And stop calling me Yellowfool!

**_Redfeather:_** Shut up! Ok, so, today we have a guest host. Put your paws together for Dapplesky.

**_Dapplesky:_** (Walks in with an ice cream cone on her head) Hey, guys? Have you seen my ice cream anywhere? I've been looking all day. And I can smell it! I think I may have chocolate in my nose again.

**_Redfeather:_** Uh, so, hello?

**_Foxtail:_** Your, uh, ice cream, is on your head.

**_Dapplesky:_** Huh? What? It is? (Takes ice cream cone off her head) It is! Woohoo! Hahahahahaha! Let's have a killing party! Yaaaaaaaaaa!

**_Redfeather:_** The ad did say she had mental issues, right?

_**Yellowfoot:**_ Yes, yes it did.

_**Foxtail:**_ Redfeather, I'm scared!

_**Redfeather:**_ Me too buddy, me too. But, we don't have time to be scared, we have a security cat to bring in. Put your paws together for Bramblesmoke!

**_Bramblesmoke:_** Hey, it's great to be here. (Notices Foxtail) Hey, can I throw him out the window?

**_Foxtail:_** What? Of course you can't! I'm a real host! You are just a guest host! Get it! _Guest host! _You must respect ma athorita!

**_Redfeather:_** Well, you can't throw us out. But! You can throw the guest out!

**_Bramblesmoke:_** Great! So, when are they arriving?

**_Redfeather:_** I dunno. They shoulda been here a hour ago, dog!

**_Yellowfoot:_** What is with your sudden change of language?

**_Redfeather:_** I don do I go na ida.

**_Yellowfoot:_** Uh, I-I don't know how to respond to that

**_Foxtail:_** What's wrong with Redfeather?

**_Redfeather:_** Da an no wa wa fefe.

**_Yellowfoot:_** What are you trying to say?

**_Redfeather:_** I se da a gu a ha.

**_Yellowfoot:_** That's it! We have no idea what you are trying to say! For that, you must pay!

**_Rdfthr:_** WhAt! WhY aRe YoU dOiNg ThIs?

**_Yllwft:_** EcAuSe Ou UsT aY. Ey Hy Re Ou EsSiNg ItH y PeAk?

**_Fxtl:_** HaT s OiNg N?

**_Rdfthr:_** I dOn'T kNoW!

**_Fxtl:_** HeLp Me!

**_Dpplsk:_** AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaH! I nEeD mOrE iCe CrEaM!

**_Brmblsmk:_** AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaH! I nEeD tO tHrOw SoMeOnE oUt ThE wInDoW!

**_Redfeather:_** Everybody just shut up! I have fixed everything! (Silence)

**_Everyone but Redfeather:_** Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

**_Redfeather:_** Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

**_Everyone:_** (Knock their heads together)

**_Tawnypelt&Rowanclaw:_** (Walk in)

**_Tawnypelt: _**Hello, sorry we're la- (Notices everyone knocked out. Backs away slowly)

**_Bearpaw:_** Cool! Now we get to be the host!

**_Graypaw:_** Awsome dude! (He and Bearpaw high five)

**_Willowpaw:_** (Walks over to guest) Hello, I'm Willowpaw. This is Graypaw, (Points to Graypaw) and this is Bearpaw. (Points to Bearpaw) Normally we would be the co-host, but since the host, guest host, and guest security cat are knocked out.

**_Graypaw:_** We finally get to be the host.

**_Bearpaw:_** It has always been a dream of ours.

**_Tawnypelt:_** Oh well, i'm sure you know who we are

**_Bearpaw:_** (Still smiling) Nope. No clue.

**_Tawnypelt:_** Well, I'm Tawnypelt, and this is Rowanclaw. (Points to Rowanclaw)

**_Rowanclaw:_** Hiya!

**_Graypaw: _**Ok, now to find those instructions. (Walks over to filing cabnet) Ah, here they are. The instructions, (Holds up a piece of paper) and the questions. (Holds up three flash cards) I'm still excited that we get to be the host!

**_?:_** Not any more your not! (Dramatic music! Redfeather walks out of the shadows, and takes flash cards) I'm the host now!

**_Graypaw:_** Cr*p!

**_?:_** Not anymore your not! (More dramatic music! Yellowfoot comes out of the shadows) I am!

**_Redfeather:_** F*ck!

**_?:_** Not any more your not! (Even more dramatic music! Dapplesky walks out of the shadows, p-petting h-her ice cream?) My _precious_ is!

**_All Host:_** Sh*t!

**_Redfeather:_** Okay, enough with all this swearing!

**_Bramblesmoke:_** I throw swearing out this window.

**_Yellowfoot:_** Time to move on.

**_Redfeather:_** Right you are. Now blah blah StarClan blah blah ShadowClan warriors den blah blah welcome Flametail, Tigerheart, and Dawnpelt!

**_Dawnpelt&Tigerheart:_** Hey!

**_Flametail:_** Hey! I'm back!

**_Redfeather:_** Don't be to happy, as soon as this is over, your furry little butt goes back to StarClan.

**_Foxtail:_** Okay, questions!

**_Redfeather:_** Right you are! Okay, first question. Tawnypelt, are you ginger or tortoiseshell, apprentice or warrior?

**_Tawnypelt:_** Do I look ginger to you? Do I look like I have Tawny_paw_ as my name? No!

**_Redfeather:_** Okay, next question. Tigerheart, What The H*ll Were You Thinking! Joining The Dark Forest! Are You Out Of Your F*cking Mind! Someone Shoot Him! God! Anyway, how's your relationship with Dovewing.

**_Tigerheart:_** (Blushing) W-what relationship?

**_Redfeather:_** Hahaha. Don't make me laugh. You know what I'm talking about

**_Tigerheart:_** N-no I don't.

**_Redfeather:_** Haha. (Seriouslyness look appears on his face) Don't you f*cking lie to me! If you do I swear I will cut you in your sleep after Lionkit smashes you skull in with his bat! Ya hear me! The same one he used last episode!

**_Tigerheart:_** Just kill me now!

**_Redfeather:_** (Hold up knife with blood already on it) That I shall do. (Looks at Yellowfoot) Oh, and I think we're going to need a new security cat for a while. A _long_ while!

_View the cutscene where you see Mouseleaf on a hospital bed with missing ears and a crying Scorchear next to him_

**_Mouseleaf:_** Thanks Redfeather, thanks.

**_Scorchear:_** Why! I want to get away from it all for a while! Why couldn't he have taken _my_ ears! I don't need them!

**_Mouseleaf:_** Yeah, thanks _a lot._

_Back to the funny cats_

**_Foxtail:_** Stop it Redfeather! We do not need a lawsuit on after only two episodes!

**_Redfeather:_** (Lowers knife) I guess your right (Throws the knife behind him. Then a scream is heard)

**_Yellowfoot:_** Shouldn't we get on to the next question?

**_Redfeather: _**Your absolutely right! Okay, the question that has been on everyone's mind, Rowanclaw-

_We interupt this program to bring you a special report._

_Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Ba-ba-ba-ba-bana-na-na-na-nana-na-na-na-naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Banana!_

_Bananas are bad!_

_Don't eat them!_

_You better not!_

_If you do, I swear I will come to your house at night and shove a banana down your throut!_

_Back to the program._

**_Rowanclaw:_** Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

**_Redfeather:_** Did the program interupt? Yeah, we thought that might happen. here's the tape.

_Redfeather: Rowanclaw are you a she-cat or a tom?_

_Rowanclaw: Why do you people bother me about this?_

_Tigerheart: Stop bothering him about it!_

_Rowanclaw: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!_

_Redfeather: Answer the question!_

_Foxtail: Redfeather, are you sure your not offending him_

_Redfeather: Of course I'm not!_

_Dapplesky: Ice cream. Loves. BOOM-BOOM!_

**_Redfeather: _**So yeah, that's what happened.

(Crash!)

**_Redfeather:_** Oh Bramblesmoke, would you be a nice kitty and throw_ this_ kitty (Grabs Rowanclaw) out the window, please?

**_Bramblesmoke:_** Course I would Ma'am. I mean General. Leader? Sir? Redfeather?

_**Redfeather**:_ Good kitty. (Pushes Rownclaw) Here you go

**_Bramblesmoke:_** Yay. (Throws Rowan-de-claw out window)

_**Redfeather:**_ I guess we should end the episode now. But first I have an announcement to make, two actually. One, we need a RiverClan pair. Yeah you heard me, you get to pick the pair this time, and the entire story! But first RiverClan. Dead or alive. Ya here me. You better! Or I swear I'll-

***Camera Blacks Out***

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><p><strong>You know how many words this was? Over 2,000. I tried to make Bramblesmoke as calm, and serious as possible. But in a humor story, that's almost impossible. Yeah, sorry for the long update. I really haven't been in a writing mood. Question time! Oh, I also need Ideas for a RiverClan cat, as Redfeather said.<strong>

**How many books have there been? (Minus the Manga)**


End file.
